GW1: 160 ✔
GW2: 156 ✔
GW3: 149 (+ 10 mins to exercise)
GW4: 140 (go out for a big ice cream cone)
GW5: 135 (buy new workout clothes)
Had a rough workout today. I am so sore. Almost passed out but ay i ate some dinner, then took some laxatives. why do i do this to myself? because i want to belong to something, i want to be someone and there’s only one way to get there. scared yet anxious to weigh myself tomorrow, and freaking out about laxatives so scared idk when im gonna have to shit, like what if im sleeping or in school. great. i fucking hate this disorder honestly, fucking hate it. stay strong xo m
#sadness #anger #pain #sad #depressed #suicide #me #mia #ana #cut #cutter #die #selfharm #life #nightmare #killme #mylifeisanightmare #fml #depression #crying #tears #mylife
I realized I always stop writing down, or recording my weightloss, and once i stop, I start gaining weight again. I am literally ready for change. I always say this, but I want to prove myself. I realized that personally I’ve had such a hard time figuring out who I am, and who I want to be, but having an eating disorder…. or wanting to be skinny… That’s always been with me. So, that is that. I will continue to starve and binge and purge, until I’m fucking perfect, and in the end, I’ll only have you to thank.
stay strong xo -m
Im gonna eat less. no bread for me,just fruit and nuts.
PEOPLE ALWAYS LEAVE. - Live While We on We Heart It…. on @weheartit.com - http://whrt.it/YC3FQD
(Source: n0-binge, via )
But I have to because I know that i’ll be better for them if im skinny. I hate hurting them, and wasting food and not being able to tell them my biggest secret about eating but I realllly know they deserve a perfect child. I will do this, not only for me, but for them.
Ate an apple and coffe
bleh, at least im working out again and pushed myself. I thought I was going to passout, but I kept going. When my legs got tired I ran with my heart. Shew, this is gonna be fun…
WILL NOT eat at dinner today. I can do it. I can do it. i can fucking do it, because even though I hate my body and everything about me, i believe in myself
i can already see results…. well this is differently better than i expected. Fucking GO ME. woo-hoo, trying to get back to my gw1